I read your interesting and fair minded article on prostitution in Nevada. Despite being the oldest profession in the world, prostitution seems to me to be the least understood. One of the reasons is that many women dismiss men making a case for legal prostitution as male chauvinists wanting to use or abuse women. Very few women are aware of what you have found out in your recent reviews of brothels in Nevada: that many prostitutes are intelligent, decent and strong minded women.

In Australia, prostitution is legal and is therefore not generally linked with drugs or other criminal activity, except in the small red light districts where there are street walkers. Unfortunately, girls on drugs do still turn to street prostitution in these areas and attract very undesirable activities and characters.

But what of the men? Surely they are no-hopers, double dealing cheats? No doubt some are. But many, like me, are intelligent, decent and strong minded men. My wife has a physical condition making it extremely painful for her to have penetrative sex. This has persisted for some years (6 years now) and we are still seeking a cure. In the meantime I am faced with choices: abstinence, continual masturbation, an affair, or a detached professional and ‘safe’ relationship with a prostitute. The nearest to normality whilst preserving my marriage is the prostitute. Not just any prostitute or many prostitutes but as far as possible just the one. By the way, safe sex is in general better practiced by the prostitute in a decent, clean, well run brothel than by a passionate couple having an affair.

But now this strategy has almost come unstuck: I fell in love with the prostitute, Mika, a beautiful Japanese woman in her early 30s, family in Tokyo (and safe). She has just left the brothel to pursue a career in other spheres and gave me her email address. I find myself cast back to my teenage years trying to control my emotions. I have had to break it off with her.

So prostitution is not just comoditised sex, wham-bam-and-thank-you-mam, cheating men, abusive men or criminal. It is in many cases very compassionate and caring.

Read you piece in the Huffington Post tonight. Here’s why prostitution is so hard to legitimize. Here’s the problem, which rarely gets addressed in either the pro or con angles on sex for money.

Many of the consenting adults who are Johns are cheating on a woman somewhere who is absolutely not consenting to the arrangement. For countless diads of consenting, respectful, respectable adults exchanging sex for money, there is a third party who is not being respected, by either the John or the sex worker.

If the sex worker is a feminist, a lover and advocate for her sisters, or someone who feels strongly that cheating is wrong, being party to the John’s cheating feels lousy. I’ve talked to some sex worker friends about this and they say they have to push feelings of moral responsibility aside. They wish the guys would be open with their partners, but understand the stigma of prostitution is a huge barrier. And, hey, the money is GREAT.

So very many of the normal guys who are Johns can’t speak out about how great prostitution is because they’re cheating. I really can’t see how sex work can ever be a respectable, legal business until the guys buying are doing so openly and with the full knowledge, if not support, of their female partners. Or, sex workers will only consent to do business with men who pass a lout test. What’s the likelihood of that?

Sex work may become legal. But moral, doubt it. You might consider doing a piece about women who feel fine about their partners patronizing sex workers. Perhaps their voices would shift the tide. They are truly the invisible minority.