In an editorial in the Minneapolis Star Tribune a very clever Lily Coyle took on Pat Robertson of CBN’s 700 Club. You know, the guy who said the earthquake in Haiti happened because former slaves made a pact with the Devil in 1791 in order to overthrow the French. I think she’s got the voice of Satan down, don’t you? For what it’s worth I’ve never believed in a vengeful God either. Earthquakes, like shit, happen. These things are not God’s will. Would love to hear your comments on this one.
Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS
For more information on Vicky Collins visit http://teletrendstv.com.